SeinQuotes

S01E01 - The Seinfeld Chronicles
00:02:08 - You didn't. - I thought l told you about her.
00:02:10 Yeah. She teaches political science...
00:02:12 l met her the night l did the show in Lansing.
S01E02 - The Stakeout
00:22:00 Isn't this? It's hard
00:22:02 because you know each other so well, you know?
00:22:06 You know all each other's tricks.
00:22:02 because you know each other so well, you know?
00:22:06 You know all each other's tricks.
00:22:08 It's like two magicians trying to entertain each other, you know?
00:22:06 You know all each other's tricks.
00:22:08 It's like two magicians trying to entertain each other, you know?
00:22:10 The one goes, "Look, a rabbit."
00:22:15 I believe that's your card.
00:22:18 Look, why don't we just saw each other in half
00:22:20 and call it a night, okay?
S01E04 - Male Un-Bonding
00:02:30 of orange drink for $5.00.
00:02:34 I reach into my pocket to pay for it,
00:02:35 I look down, there's this piece of green floss
00:06:00 What can I do, break up with him?
00:06:02 Tell him, "I don't think we're right for each other."
00:06:06 It's a guy.
00:09:05 Listen, Joel...
00:09:09 I don't think we should see each other anymore.
00:09:12 What?
00:12:00 Sat there for 20 minutes chewing.
00:12:03 Staring at each other in a defunct relationship.
00:12:06 Someone says "Get out of my life,"
S01E05 - The Stock Tip
00:08:11 Well, call me right back.
00:08:14 Nobody can reach Wilkenson.
00:08:15 He hasn't been home or in his office in the past three days.
S02E01 - The Ex-Girlfriend
00:03:24 ...who lives in my building who I was introduced to a couple years ago.
00:03:27 He's a teacher or something.
00:03:30 Anyway, after we met, whenever we'd run into each other in the street...
00:03:27 He's a teacher or something.
00:03:30 Anyway, after we met, whenever we'd run into each other in the street...
00:03:33 ...or in the lobby, or whatever...
00:04:09 Now there's this intense animosity whenever we pass.
00:04:13 I mean, it's like we really hate each other. It's based on nothing.
00:04:16 A relationship is an organism.
00:09:01 Hey, you know, Jerry...
00:09:03 ...just because George and I don't see each other...
00:09:06 ...doesn't mean we shouldn't stay friends.
S02E03 - The Jacket
00:16:38 He said he was getting special instructions,
00:16:40 that each dove has a different diet.
00:16:42 So we're wandering around, trying to get a cab,
S02E04 - The Phone Message
00:05:13 Yeah, they're so funny
00:05:14 and so comfortable with each other,
00:05:15 and I could be comfortable too,
00:06:07 What's brutal about the date
00:06:10 is the scrutiny that you put each other through,
00:06:12 because whenever you think about this person
S02E06 - The Statue
00:16:21 And if you wanna call and apologize,
00:16:24 you know where to reach me.
00:16:25 Hey, Ray.
00:21:43 Things that they think will foil the crooks, you know.
00:21:47 In your own mind, right? You go to the beach, go in the water.
00:21:49 Put your wallet in the sneaker. Who's gonna know?
S02E07 - The Revenge
00:03:04 In fact, I would prefer it
00:03:05 if the machines are not even touching each other,
00:03:09 because something could, you know, jump across.
00:20:54 Maybe I could be a professor or something.
00:20:57 Well, to teach something,
00:20:59 you really have to know a lot about it.
S02E09 - The Deal
00:05:32 Yeah?
00:05:33 When we see each other now,
00:05:35 we retire to our separate quarters,
00:08:38 -Where were you sitting? -On the couch.
00:08:40 -Next to each other? -No, separate.
00:08:42 -Time? -Around 11:00.
S02E12 - The Busboy
00:18:42 He's coming to settle the score.
00:18:44 No, you three all know each other.
00:18:46 There's no point in me getting involved
S03E01 - The Note
00:10:05 It has to be touched?
00:10:07 That's what a gym teacher once told me.
00:10:12 -Hey. -Hey.
00:11:46 He knows that!
00:11:47 Roy, should we go? Is this a breach of our friendship?
00:11:50 Oh, can you be any more dramatic?
S03E02 - The Truth
00:04:52 I don't know. It must be love.
00:04:55 I don't think we should see each other anymore.
00:04:58 You're great, but...
S03E04 - The Dog
00:12:59 We knew you were upset--
00:13:01 From now on when we pass each other in the hall,
00:13:03 I don't know you, you don't know me.
S03E05 - The Library
00:04:38 I think that's Mr. Heyman.
00:04:40 The gym teacher from our high school.
00:04:42 Shh!
00:14:06 What else?
00:14:09 We were, uh, reading passages to each other
00:14:12 from that Henry Miller book you had.
00:17:26 Him who? Heyman him.
00:17:30 Heyman? The gym teacher? You found him?
00:17:33 Oh, I found him.
00:21:19 You're hanging from a rope. You have hardly any clothes on.
00:21:22 Teachers are yelling at you, "Where's your jockstrap?"
00:21:24 You know, and kids are throwing dodge balls at you.
S03E06 - The Parking Garage
00:16:18 Should I-- Should I do it?
00:16:19 Teach him a lesson he'll never forget.
00:16:21 Who does he think he is?
S03E10 - The Stranded
00:04:22 I must have been out of my mind.
00:04:24 Now, listen, let's keep an eye on each other tonight.
00:04:26 In case one of us gets in a bad conversation,
00:10:14 to pursue a woman,
00:10:15 it's like these two guys never met each other
00:10:17 ever in life.
S03E11 - The Alternate Side
00:16:05 Thanks. "The extent of the damage would've been
00:16:09 far less severe had paramedics been able to reach him sooner."
00:16:14 Oh, Lord.
S03E12 - The Red Dot
00:01:06 So countries just exchange gifts like that?
00:01:08 If they like each other.
00:01:10 There's Elaine.
S03E14 - The Pez Dispenser
00:02:27 That smells good. What is that?
00:02:28 The beach.
00:02:30 The beach?
00:02:28 The beach.
00:02:30 The beach?
00:02:30 Yeah.
00:12:41 You know, I got a great idea for a cologne.
00:12:43 It's called "The Beach."
00:12:45 You spray it on,
00:12:45 You spray it on,
00:12:46 and it's just like you came home from the beach.
00:12:48 Hmm. A cologne that smells like the beach.
00:12:46 and it's just like you came home from the beach.
00:12:48 Hmm. A cologne that smells like the beach.
00:12:51 I can't believe I'm saying this...
00:15:57 I don't know.
00:15:58 The beach.
00:16:01 What are you talking about?
00:16:01 What are you talking about?
00:16:02 Oh, I'm talking about the beach.
00:16:05 What about it?
00:16:07 You know the way you smell...
00:16:10 when you first come home from the beach?
00:16:14 Well, I want to make a cologne...
00:16:38 That's why people take showers
00:16:40 when they come home from the beach.
00:16:41 It's an objectionable, offensive odor.
S03E15 - The Suicide
00:13:25 Well, they're three funny-looking guys
00:13:27 and they'd hit each other a lot.
00:13:30 You will show me the stooges?
00:17:15 He's not going.
00:17:17 I don't care much for the beach. I freckle.
00:17:24 Is that a...?
00:20:48 right in the hotel pool. Not only that
00:20:51 the hotel opened up an area on the beach for nude bathing
00:20:55 and all of the models went down there.
00:22:31 There's nothing more rewarding
00:22:33 than reaching a goal you've set for yourself.
S03E16 - The Fix-Up
00:06:08 Naturally.
00:06:12 But wait a minute. We're gonna tell each other everything?
00:06:14 I mean, every secret?
00:19:57 Now, don't you two see...
00:19:59 that you're in love with each other?
00:20:04 I mean, why can't you face that already?
S03E17E18 - The Boyfriend
00:01:44 Hey, you know,
00:01:46 this is the first time we ever saw each other naked?
00:01:51 Believe me, I didn't see anything.
S03E19 - The Limo
00:09:35 You see a limo go by,
00:09:36 you know it's either a rich guy or 50 prom kids with $1.75 each.
00:09:42 Being in the back of a limo, I'm sorry, it's just...
S03E20 - The Good Samaritan
00:02:31 and when she'd laugh,
00:02:33 she'd reach out and touch my arm.
00:02:38 I love when they touch your arm. I can't get enough of that.
00:11:10 Hey, grab Jerry's sweater for me, would you?
00:11:21 Georgia peach Marla Maples
00:11:22 reportedly threw yet another stiletto...
00:17:19 Good...
00:17:21 I'm glad we understand each other.
00:17:22 It's not complicated.
S03E21 - The Letter
00:11:07 Look, I'm really getting tired of all this fighting.
00:11:09 Maybe we should end this before we really start hating each other.
00:11:12 Oh, well, you wouldn't want that,
S03E22 - The Parking Space
00:13:48 What can I say? You know, it's a gift.
00:13:50 I only wish I could teach you, but...
00:13:52 You know, it's inborn.
00:15:13 See, they had to move the car so the truck could get through, right?
00:15:16 But these guys don't trust each other,
00:15:17 so they got these two non-partisan drivers to move them.
00:21:47 Ten.
00:21:52 People will kill each other for a parking space in New York,
00:21:55 because they think, "If I don't get this one,
S03E23 - The Keys
00:20:38 You've gotta watch the show, study it, get a sense of the characters,
00:20:41 how they relate to each other...
00:20:43 Okay, can I just watch the show?
S04E02 - The Trip (2)
00:15:38 Maybe your mother didn't love you enough.
00:15:41 Maybe the teacher didn't call on you in school
00:15:43 when you had your little hand raised.
S04E03E04 - The Pitch-The Ticket
00:03:17 Why should I care if my son's into gymnastics?
00:03:19 'Cause you're the gymnastics teacher.
00:03:20 It's only natural.
S04E07 - The Bubble Boy
00:00:16 saying sorry I missed you."
00:00:18 So here what we have is two people, hate each other,
00:00:21 don't really ever want to talk,
00:04:30 -Raspberry, strawberry. -Strawberry, cranberry.
00:04:32 Peach.
00:04:37 I don't know.
S04E09 - The Opera
00:10:27 You know, she and I go out to dinner,
00:10:29 she doesn't even reach for the check.
00:10:31 That's all I'm asking for is a reach.
00:10:29 she doesn't even reach for the check.
00:10:31 That's all I'm asking for is a reach.
00:10:32 -Is that so much to ask for? -It's nice to get a reach.
00:10:31 That's all I'm asking for is a reach.
00:10:32 -Is that so much to ask for? -It's nice to get a reach.
00:10:35 [BANGING ON DOOR]
S04E11 - The Contest
00:04:04 Well, obviously,
00:04:05 we all know each other very well.
00:04:06 I'm sure we'll all feel comfortable
00:06:12 I've ever made in my life.
00:06:14 So my friend, Joyce, is teaching an aerobics class.
00:06:16 I'm gonna go tonight.
00:19:20 But you made it through the day before.
00:19:22 Yeah, but yesterday, he told Joyce, the aerobics teacher,
00:19:24 that he wants to meet me outside here at 9:00 tonight.
S04E13 - The Pick
00:04:54 -What is that smell? -It's here somewhere.
00:04:55 It smells like the beach.
00:04:57 Exactly.
00:06:27 Whew! That was close.
00:06:29 The beach!
00:06:32 You smell like the beach!
00:06:29 The beach!
00:06:32 You smell like the beach!
00:06:33 What's the name of that perfume you're wearing?
00:06:40 See, I had the idea of a cologne
00:06:42 that makes you smell like you just came from the beach.
00:06:43 I know. Look at this.
00:16:47 And she was in the kitchen
00:16:48 killing cockroaches with a boot on each hand.
00:16:51 Why were there so many cockroaches?
00:18:13 Yeah?
00:18:15 And when I told him my idea about the beach cologne,
00:18:17 you know, he laughed at me.
00:20:33 but all those pickers out there who've been caught...
00:20:35 each and every one of them
00:20:38 who has to suffer the shame and humiliation
S04E14 - The Movie
00:02:16 I got time.
00:02:18 It'll give us a chance to get to know each other
00:02:20 a little better.
S04E15 - The Visa
00:09:17 that someday a better self will emerge,
00:09:20 each flicker of the candles
00:09:21 on the cake,
S04E16 - The Shoes
00:00:04 with the beginning of the relationship, I think,
00:00:05 is that each person has their own sexual timetable
00:00:09 of what should happen when
S04E17 - The Outing
00:01:13 Well...
00:01:15 I'm trying to get reach with Sharon Leonard.
00:01:17 She works for the N.Y.U. paper.
00:03:30 I'm here at the coffee shop, and I was a little late.
00:03:33 I guess we must have missed each other.
00:03:35 I'm going to the bathroom.
00:04:37 She's finally going to do the interview.
00:04:38 I told her to come up here so we wouldn't miss each other.
00:04:41 Uh, do you want me to stay, or--
S04E19 - The Implant
00:05:51 You don't touch the nose,
00:05:53 you don't aspire to reach the nose,
00:05:56 you don't unhook anything to get to a nose,
S04E21 - The Smelly Car
00:18:11 Well, we started talking.
00:18:12 She's a golf teacher!
00:18:14 So I went to a lesson,
00:18:15 and, you know, something happened between us,
00:18:17 but she's a golf teacher, Jerry!
00:18:18 I've struck gold!
S04E22 - The Handicap Spot
00:00:42 I think that's what's so painful about divorce.
00:00:44 You've been impeached. You weren't even the president.
00:00:54 Hey, is it my imagination,
S04E23E24 - The Pilot
00:04:11 ...go to work, so... - Elaine, when...? When are we...?
00:04:15 - When are we gonna see each other? - I'm sorry, Russell. I'm sorry, okay?
00:04:19 Bye-bye.
00:11:34 This is Martin Van Nostrand.
00:11:36 - What are you doing here? - You two know each other?
00:11:39 Wait a minute. I know you.
S05E01 - The Mango
00:07:13 Oh!
00:07:14 Bad peach?
00:07:15 It's terrible!
00:07:25 You're returning used fruit?
00:07:27 Jerry, this peach is subpar.
00:07:33 So, what do you want me to do?
00:07:46 - Hey, I stand behind my fruit. - So?
00:07:48 Hey, you got a bad peach? That's an act of God.
00:07:50 He makes the peaches. I don't make the peaches.
00:07:48 Hey, you got a bad peach? That's an act of God.
00:07:50 He makes the peaches. I don't make the peaches.
00:07:52 I sell the peaches.
00:07:50 He makes the peaches. I don't make the peaches.
00:07:52 I sell the peaches.
00:07:53 You got a problem, you talk to him.
00:14:06 What happened?
00:14:07 Well, we had a fight over the peach, and, uh,
00:14:10 well, Joe doesn't want my business.
S05E03 - The Glasses
00:19:20 Botany, zoology.
00:19:22 You know, his botany teacher from college
00:19:24 stays in close touch with him.
S05E04 - The Sniffing Accountant
00:08:34 I didn't know that I was required,
00:08:35 to capture the mood of each caller.
00:08:38 I just thought that you'd be a little more excited,